Become an Illegal Alien Today!

Supposedly an actual letter from an Iowa resident and sent to his senator...

The Honorable Tom Harkin
731 Hart Senate Office Building
Phone (202) 224 3254
Washington DC , 20510

Dear Senator Harkin,

As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.

My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.

Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.

Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year.

Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as 'in-state' tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son.

Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have college age children driving my car.

If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance.

Your Loyal Constituent,
Donald Ruppert
Burlington , IA

Get your Forms (NOW)!! Call your Internal Revenue Service 1-800-289-1040.

Comments

[Sam Tresler]

Heya Pidge,
Yes, I've been under a rock for a while. Promotion sucked my life away. I probably wouldn't have made it down to D.C. in that timeframe anyway, but thanks for the intention.
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Dear Mr. Ruppert,

I am not Mr. Harkin, or in any way related to him, but as your letter appears to be circulating in public I felt I might try to assuage some of your very valid concerns. I, also, am a tax paying citizen, and in some ways feel a that I give my little extra, as 8 years out of my 11 in the workforce I have been self employed. Not everyone realizes that means I paid all of my own Social Security and 'self employment tax' that is levied on me for the audacity of not being a business entity.

I'd like to take a moment to elicit your opinion as to the best way to deal with the illegal immigrants currently in the country? I don't like the idea of them getting an easier break than I have, but I don't see an easy solution. Deportation would cost more than any plan I've seen to keep them here with LIMITED amnesty. That is to say, there is no practical way to just move them all out in a cost effective manner, as much as I might love to dump them at the borders.

The stickler is that it appears the niche they have been filling doesn't have the cashflow to pay payroll taxes. In normal parlance this wouldn't be an issue; said immigrants could just be 'self-employed', as I was, and deal with their own taxes as opposed to putting this burden on the American employer; who is incapable of paying it at current cost-benefit margins (i.e. charge more for goods and get supplanted by overseas competition). The unfortunate reason this isn't a possibility is the minimum wage does not apply to illegal immigrants, nor do we have a means of registering them, nor is there a any incentive at all for an illegal immigrant to pay into a system that they can't in turn draw out of for a majority of he benefits of taxes (social security, disability, equal protection under law, etc).

Citizenship does indeed solve all of these problems, and any immigrant should have gone the route of applying legally. However, two things seem to obstruct this otherwise good process. A) We already have a large entrenched illegal immigrant population. These people need to be dealt with in a rationale manner IN CONJUNCTION with any plan to prevent further illegal immigrants. The first half of this is what you seem to be having issues with regarding Mr. Hartman. Also, B) If we, sincerely want to avoid this issue we need to acknowledge that the price of labor in several industries in the United States will need to double or triple. Namely, restauranteuring, farming, and construction, and perhaps a few of which I am unaware. These price increases, numerically, would far outweigh any taxes placed upon the lowest tax bracket for 2 years, and any such hit would further destabilize an already shaky American economy. Please don't hesitate to ask me for concrete statistics if you doubt the veracity of these statements. I can assure you they are true.

But, not to digress. Please explain to me how we can expel these illegal immigrants without crippling our economy, or deal with them in any manner short of a LIMITED amnesty. I've been thinking hard for a solution to this problem for some time and have yet to find one that doesn't harm our community more than it benefits it. I remain open to discussion, as always. Thanks.

-Sam Tresler

[rightwingprof]

Yeah, I saw that letter about a year ago, and sent it to Arlen. No response.

[Blake]

This is a cool post. Sign me up too. Its amazing how our country is screwing us, and not many people seem to care. We came a vote away from having the right to bare arms changed yesterday, and all the while oil prices surged to a record high. I think oil and legal American people need help from its government now.

[carol]

I want to do this also. My son is trying to get Cal residence so he can go to school at instate rates. He said it would be easier and cheaper if he was illegal. We thinking of having him adopted by an illegal family.

[John]

This is sweet. I don't like taxes at all and my last name is Italian, which sounds almost like it could be Mexican. I'm in!

[Virgomonkey]

I absolutely LOVE this!

[mikey777]

I wrote a post a couple weeks ago, based on a court case in which an illegal worker had sued his US employer for back wages owed, and he won. How in the world is he entitled to back wages for a job he shouldn't have gotten to begin with? A similar article I read reported that another illegal worker did the same thing and was awarded $8000.

And they didn't pay one red cent in taxes. If they're going to get retroactive wages, the taxes should be retroactive as well. But they aren't.

If you've received any information on becoming an illegal alien, please send it my way. I'll be Miguel Sanchez before you can say 'drop the Chalupa'.